I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
