thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize