I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
