Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
