I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
