Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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