Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
