I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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