Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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