I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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