I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Are we still banned from the library?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
