Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dicks are not precious.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
