So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
There r osticjed everywhere
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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