I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize