so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize