There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
