I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
