i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
