She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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