I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
