Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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