Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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