I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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