I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
