Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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