I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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