I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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