I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
