i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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