he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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