just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
