he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
