I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
