just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
