So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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