$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
MIDGETS
????
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
