i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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