Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
