Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
