its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
