I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize