I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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