He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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