he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
