and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize