Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
