So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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