I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
