My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
This house was built for laser tag.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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