my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was like getting head from an anaconda
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
