Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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