its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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