I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
