operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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