Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
