FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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