he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
