So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
