i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
