Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
