Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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