Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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