dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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