Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think I am morally bankrupt
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
