just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
