Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
