I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
