Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
